unguarded love in a world that rewards emotional cowardice

Deep chronic grief of not belonging ever anywhere

collection of realizations

1. On 9 oct 2025, 8:16 am 

In my life, Nothing matters

So every thought is useless

So what's the point in existence 

Everything collapses into one nothingness

But then what's the point of absolute truth

There is no point, points don't exist

Then what's the point of non existences

Non existences don't matter too

No matter, nothing matters

.

.

.

So go back& fix it...

Nothing matters in life,

So anything can !

Assign a value.. That's the point. 

.

Everything will follow 

Deeply believed illusions are delusions

What is not meant for you will never stay. There is no job, no person, no city that you can force into being right for you if it simply isn’t. You can return to it for a while, twist yourself into knots trying to justify its presence, or tell yourself you’ll just give it a bit more time. But the truth is, if something is wrong for you, it reveals itself in the quiet chaos of your life—the endless confusion, the subtle unease that lingers every day. 

It’s tempting to hold on, to make excuses for why things aren’t working out right now. Maybe you tell yourself that the timing is off or that you're still adjusting. But deep down, you know. When something is truly right for you, clarity follows. There is a sense of peace, of ease, even in the challenges. What is wrong, on the other hand, traps you in endless cycles of doubt and questioning, trying to mold it into something it will never be.

And when we begin to believe in what is not true for us, it turns into a delusion. This delusion may be comfortable, even captivating, but it cannot last. What is not right for you will fade, no matter how tightly you cling to it. The moment you acknowledge this, you begin to release yourself from the fantasy. You might want to pretend that you don’t know, but you can feel it. The truth is always quietly there, waiting for you to let go.

Someone who liked greens but was the reddest flag as a person..

Pain driven rememberance vs Love driven rememberance... Attachment to the hurted child in me that needs justice and respect. But maybe, it's no longer love. 

When I see all the relationships around that unloved me (friends, family, work et al), I see what was wrong with me and how i have healed

The Conversation Between I, Me, and Myself: An Exploration of Sadness, Letting Go, and Liberation

I: I want to talk about sadness... Not from a depressing dooms day clinical standpoint, but to address the reason from a spiritual, collective sense. If we know why we experience sadness, maybe we can control it consciously, right?

Me: Bullshit! Sadness just happens. You're overthinking. Deal with it.

Myself: Okay, 'I'—let’s hear your theory. But make it practical and quick, alright? It’s Sunday, we have better ways to waste our time.

Part A: Why Should You Care About Sadness?

Picture this: 

You're stuck in a job that no longer excites you. The monotony has crept in?

Maybe it's a relationship, personal or professional, that drains you instead of nourishing you?

Family disputes or social conflicts brew stress and anxiety?

Maybe it's the constant hustle to achieve more, to acquire more, but your heart knows the truth: it’s not enough? 

The greed isn't satiated. The frustration of not being able to break bad habits clings to you like wet clothes after a downpour?

And what about those moments when your heart wills one thing but your head keeps you in a loop of confusion, preventing decisive action? 

Welcome to the vast and intricate realm of sadness and suffering.

Part B: The Universe of Consciousness—Shunyata and Dukkha

Imagine the universe of consciousness as a vast, infinite space—Shunyata, or the void. And within this boundless space, there's Maaya the illusion of life that contains everything we experience, including one pesky little emotion: Dukkha or suffering. Suffering is our constant companion, whether we like it or not. 

Why? Because we live in Maaya—the world of illusion, ego, and attachment. It's a cycle of desires, wants, aversions, and fears. Let’s take a moment to understand this with two powerful ideologies. A self explanatory diagram on types of Our sufferings :

So here’s your action plan:

1. Recognize the Type (or combination) of Sadness – Is it frustration? Disappointment? Guilt? Anxiety? Or a delightful cocktail of all?

 

2. Acknowledge That Shit Happened – Yes, things didn’t go as planned. Maybe it’s worse than you thought. But step 1 is simply acknowledging that it’s there.

3. Be Kind to Yourself – Once you've acknowledged the existence of this emotional burden, extend kindness to yourself. Compassion is not just for others. Slowly and intentionally, let it go.

4. Witness the Shift– As you let go, even if it's little by little, life starts to shift. The burden lightens.

Part C: The Act of Letting Go—Shunyata & Brahman

Letting go isn’t easy, but it’s simple.

Let’s look at Buddhism’s Shunyata and

Advaita Vedanta’s Brahman

Shunyata: Imagine a clear, still lake. When you look at its surface, you see reflections—the sky, clouds, trees, everything surrounding it. But dive deep into the lake, and you’ll discover that there's nothing solid beneath. The surface is just a play of reflections, and there is no inherent substance underneath. 

Everything is a reflection of something else —temporary, transient, and ultimately illusory. 

This, in essence, is the concept of Shunyata—the void, or emptiness.

Suffering is born from these reflections—impermanent thoughts and emotions that we cling to, mistakenly believing they are real. The mind suffers from imagining situations and things that aren’t real or permanent. The more we shed the "I" (our ego, our identity), the less we suffer. By recognizing the emptiness behind our suffering, we begin to see that it too shall pass.

Brahman: Now imagine zooming out from the lake. Instead of just focusing on its surface, you see the mountains, the trees, the animals, the sky. Everything is interconnected, relying on each other for existence. According to Advaita Vedanta, this interconnectedness is a reflection of Brahman, the ultimate reality underlying all existence. So, when suffering comes, we surrender it to the Brahman. Understand that you’re not in control. Let go of the illusion of power over your life or your suffering.

Bear it, and grin. Accept that you’re a part of something much larger and, ironically, beyond yourself. And therein lies liberation. Actually wait, in fact, in reality, "you" are an illusion.

Part D: Compassion and Interconnectedness

Once you begin to internalize these concepts, the illusion of separateness fades. Everything is interconnected. Your suffering, your happiness, your relationships—they are all reflections in the same lake, part of the same ecosystem. 

Understanding this interconnectedness makes it hard to remain hostile, selfish, or indifferent. You see others, not as external entities, but as parts of yourself. Compassion arises naturally from this understanding.

In Buddhism, this understanding is called Bodhichitta—the awakened heart, filled with the wish to benefit all beings. In Hinduism, it is Ahimsa, non-violence toward all beings.

So when you feel that sting of sadness next time, remember: it’s part of a bigger picture. You're not isolated in your suffering. You're part of something much, much larger—something that, with time, you will learn to let go of. 

Epilogue: Reflections on Friendship, Solitude, and Gratitude

I: "Wait a minute... So what you’re saying is that sadness is part of life’s illusion, but we can choose to see beyond it?"

Me: "Exactly. And once we realize it’s all interconnected, everything just feels lighter."

Myself: "So, in a way, all the relationships we hold – whether with friends or with our inner selves – serve to reflect this truth. If they help us see through our illusions, they’re worth cherishing. And the people who throw tough love our way? They’re the real gems."

And, if in this solitude of reflection, I’ve realized one thing: life may sometimes feel overwhelming, but amidst the suffering, there is always space to learn, to grow, and to love.

"दुःखं सर्वत्र अनुभूयते, मुक्तिः तस्य आत्मज्ञानम्।"

Meaning: "Suffering is experienced everywhere, liberation is its self-realization."

Explanation: This Sanskrit saying beautifully encapsulates the core message as it acknowledges the universality of suffering (Dukkha), reminding us that it is an inherent part of existence. However, it also offers a path to liberation (Mukti) through self-realization (Atma Jnana). This self-realization involves understanding the illusory nature of the self and the interconnectedness of all things, leading to a transcendence of suffering.

Hari Om Tat Sat 🙏🏻 Shivoham ✨

Shattered heart

Edit : This was in the drafts since 2007, publishing it now (No i don't Hate Love anymore, I perceive it with curiosity & chase it in a different vigor now)

Hate Love

hate love, what’s it ever done for me,

but cause me a lot of grief,

lost me a lot of sleep

Every time I say I’ve had enough,

I’m never doing that again,

I wind up falling right back in.

I hate love. I hate love,

It’s nothing but a losing game

Never worth the price you pay

You find out every time you play 

When you think

You’re finally wising up,

It shows up in a new disguise,

And hits you right between the eyes, 

I hate love. Into each life some rain must fall

But it feels like I’ve got more than I deserve

When the sun comes out and shines on me

Somehow I always wind up getting burned I hate love Cause every time I’m not in it

I try but I can’t forget

Just how good it is Here I go again.

I’ve been hit by the bug

There’s really nothing I can do,

But fall in love with you

I hate love